Roy Wood Jr. Roasts Trump on ‘Daily Show’: ‘Didn’t Nobody Hush’

“No affair — no affair — has been less hushed than this one,” said Wood in his guest host debut

Roy Wood Jr. took on Trump for his first night on the job as Daily Show guest host. The comedian gave viewers a handy update on Trump as the ex-president braces for his arrest on Tuesday and becomes the first former POTUS to be criminally charged.

“You know Trump gotta be mad,” said the comedian Monday night. “He paid all that hush money, didn’t nobody hush. It’s messed up. It’s in the word: Hush. Shhhh! But no affair — no affair — has been less hushed than this one. Everybody know about this damn affair. There’s un-contacted tribes in the Amazon who know that Trump boned Stormy Daniels.”

Still, Wood said that “it’s not all bad for Trump,” who reportedly “managed to raise $5 million from his supporters” in the 48 hours following his indictment. “Do you know how many cigarettes that will get you in prison?” Wood asked. The comic mused that “going to jail might be the new way to fundraise if you’re a politician,” and added, “Hillary probably sitting around like, ‘Hell, $5 million. Shit, maybe they shoulda locked me up.’”


The comic did, however, sympathize with the Secret Service agents assigned to Trump. “You get assigned to a former president, you’re supposed to be going to baseball games and windsurfing,” said Wood. “You get assigned to Trump, you got to go to Rikers.”

Last week, late-night TV writers reacted to Trump’s indictment on charges related to his 2016 hush-money payment to adult film actress Stormy Daniels. John Leguizamo, last week’s Daily Show guest host, also got cheers as he fist-pumped to the news. “That’s right,” he said. “Lady Justice grabbed Trump by the pussy.”