How Omar Apollo Made the Saddest (and Best) Music of His Life

There’s a lot of sad songwriting on this, but there are also some more hopeful and upbeat moments. What do you think the happiest song on the album is?
Probably “Against Me.” With lyrics and all. It’s just kind of like, “Oh, sorry, I can’t love you.”

I like how confident you sound on that song. When did you realize you were “the baddest bitch”?
[Laughs.] Shit, my ego just gets fed all the time. It’s so funny… I never considered my own beauty, since I was a little kid. I didn’t even know people could be attracted to me. I didn’t even feel it. And then once I really realized who I was sexually and things like that, I started to desire people. I remember the first time someone found me attractive and we had a little thing, I remember being so confused. I was like, “Why do you find me attractive?” Because I think my standard of beauty, especially in America, was not portrayed. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see people who look like me that were considered beautiful. So I’d had that insecurity almost. And now I feel confident. I’m grown. I know that I am beautiful in my own way. And then that just turned into me being like, “Oh yeah, I am the baddest bitch. What’s up?”

I mean, it’s deep. I remember one time being at a party and this guy said some shit that just pissed me off. I walked away. He called me ugly or whatever. It was a white man. And then I was just like, “Alright, you know what? I’m out. Boom.” He goes and tells my friend, like, “I hope Omar didn’t get mad. I was just joking. He’s obviously the hottest guy here.” And I was just like, “Well, you don’t know how I’ve dealt with beauty in my entire life. You don’t understand that. Your beauty has been actualized on the screens and all these things. And for me it’s different. And I grew up differently. I grew up being called ugly and all these slurs, and that’s not my experience.” So when someone said that to me, I’m just like, “I’m out. I don’t even want to hear it. Bye, boom.” And it’s also just a rude thing to say, and I feel like it’s a power thing. Like they’re trying to take power of someone that’s intimidating them or something. But yeah, now I just embrace it.

The album covers a lot of deep, emotional territory, but there are also upbeat dance songs. How did you go about piecing all of these songs together into a cohesive package? I’m sure that was like putting together a puzzle.
Yeah, it took a long time to really get the flow of it. And I was like, “Oh my God, the album slows down too much here,” or whatever. Luckily, I had a lot of people that really trusted that gave me perspectives to think about while I was sequencing it. After I gave Teo the list, he did transitions to make them all flow into each other and give it a front-to-back listening effect where the songs all go into each other in some way. And I think that’s important, because this is the sort of album I would want somebody to listen to the whole thing.

Now that you’re finished, what’s your favorite thing about it? Or something that you’re really proud of?
The song “Drifting” is one of my favorites ever. And it started so differently. It was a power ballad. It was in a completely different key, in a completely different performance, and then it turned into this nostalgic, four-on-the-floor, driving vibe. And there’s also “While You Can.” Insane song. There’s “Glow,” which has some of my best writing ever. The verses on that song, the way I was singing it, the pacing, the instruments, and the production is just… That’s going to sound crazy in an arena. It’s going to sound nuts.

What song are you most excited to play live?
All of them. They’re all made and written to be sung live. Literally, I was making a setlist for the God Said No Tour, and every song is on there.

There are some dance songs on here. What inspired you to get into that bag?
I had somebody tell me, like, “You need to make more computer music.” And I was just like, “What do you mean?” And they showed me a bunch of shit and I was like, “Alright, cool.” And then I made it the next day. I was making that type of song for a week or something, and “Less of You” was my favorite one. And then “Spite” was just me working with Blake Slatkin and Teo together, and we had this summery kind of energy that we felt like the album needed. Then “Done With You,” I made when I was drunk. I was just singing the first verse and the chorus. I had that for a long time. It was just guitar. And then eventually when I moved to London, I finished all those songs that I started in LA.

Are you the kind of artist who likes to play your album for other artists when you’re finished recording?
Yeah, but not so much other artists. If I do, it’s like two people. But yeah, I send demos that I’m mumbling on for 12 minutes. I’ll just be like, “This shit fire, ain’t it?” Just because it’s fun to make music in the beginning stages of it and having an idea that’s not actualized yet.

Now that you’re finished with this album, how does it make you feel?
Honestly, it’s a heavy album. I am excited, also like, I don’t know… When I dropped “Dispose of Me,” I was so excited, and then I was on Discord with all the fans that were there. I was so hype. I was like, “Yo, five minutes go crazy!” I’m in there chatting and then everyone was just like, “Yo, what the fuck? This shit is fucking sad. We thought we were going to get a little banger. We’re all crying.” So I am excited. But at the same time, I know that it’s something that isn’t a passive listen. It’s something that I feel should be listened to alone. But I am so excited for it to be out, because I can’t wait to perform the songs and sing them and work on the stage design and all of that. I’m so excited to deliver it to the world.

Is there anything else you want fans to know before pressing play on it?
Listen by yourself, probably. And then listen with somebody.

What is a misconception about you? What do you get wrong?
Something they get wrong about me? I really don’t care. [Laughs.] I can’t control it. That’s why I don’t care. I don’t give it any energy, because how I’m perceived is far out of my control. I can control the things that I say, but I can’t control somebody chopping something up and then putting it up or seeing a photo or whatever it is… It ain’t my business, I’m chilling. I have my problems, and I have the people in my life that I worry about, just like you have the people in your life that you worry about, but I don’t feel like I need to clear anything up ever. It is what it is, and it ain’t what it ain’t, you know?

That’s definitely the most healthy approach.
Yeah, it’s something I learned. Because there was a point in time when I was looking shit up, like, “What the fuck are they saying?”

What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done?
Probably investing hella money when I was like 21. I got my first big check and I invested all of it, and now it’s up. [Laughs.] I haven’t touched it.

Did you invest in crypto at the right time or some shit?
Nah, I just had a great financial advisor. I was like, “Damn, I’m going to keep this for another 20 years before I open this.” So I’ll be 47, like, loaded. [Laughs.] I don’t even got to make music, for real. [Laughs.]

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?
There’s a lot of dumb shit. The first dumb shit I ever did was buy a car in cash. It was like a hundred thousand dollars and I didn’t have credit. That’s so dumb. That was fucked. It was a Tesla Model X. I ended up getting rid of it because I hated that car. I really stand on all my bad decisions, though. I’m always like, “Oh yeah, I did that.” [Laughs.]

What’s your favorite thing on the internet right now?
Two things. There’s the Michael Jackson video where he’s like, “None of it’s true. None of it’s true. They made it up! None of it’s true.” That shit kills me. I’m dead. And then probably the Twitch stream with Kevin Hart and Drewski and Kai Cenat. That was so funny. I was genuinely dying.

What’s your least favorite thing on the internet right now?
I hate when people get too serious. There’s just a lot of hate that’s so unnecessary. It’s just like, “Damn, y’all care that much? Let that bitch breathe. Relax.” It ain’t that serious. And I bet if you were to look into the person’s life who’s hating, they’ve done way worse. I promise. That’s why they’re mad about it. Because they’re seeing themselves. You’re seeing yourself in this other person and it angers you. Now what?

What’s the meaning of life?
Honestly, not even trying to be on some boring shit, but it’s probably to grow and learn from situations. You don’t have to be visible and you don’t have to be extremely impactful. You just have to mean something to the people that are in your life and grow with them. I think souls travel in families, and I think that we’re all supposed to learn from each other. And give. Take what you have to offer and give it. I think that’s the meaning of life for me right now. One day it might be, like, fucking snowboarding. [Laughs.] I don’t know.